an excerpt from: Satisfaction

An excerpt from: Satisfaction

Here is a question that I routinely ask myself: is my satisfaction today dependant upon a favorable response from man in my artistic labors, or is my satisfaction dependant upon being found faithful in the eyes of God? In as much as it concerns me, am I able to rest completely satisfied in being found faithful to God in the working and delivery of a song, no matter the response from man? Almost always, a faithful delivery will garner a favorable response from man, but am I dependant upon a favorable response from man for my soul to know a complete satisfaction in my artistic labors?

This is the question that I am posing to try to discern the motives of my heart as it engages in art. Am I actually entrusting a portion of my heart’s satisfaction to the approval of the audience, or is the audience’s favorable response a different kind of satisfying pleasure to be known, like the kind of pleasure that is had in an honest dialogue where there are no fishing for compliments going on beneath the conversation’s surface? In an artistic labor, is there not a satisfying pleasure to be known in the communion had with God in a work, or do I need another man to tell me that my work is good before I can be satisfied?

When an audience’s affirming response is completely a bonus, an addition to my already satisfied soul, I find that I receive their response as an evidence that they too tasted (fruit of my sphere two), at least in part, what I was tasting (sphere one), rather than receiving their response as being an affirmation of my performance that my heart puts its hope in, or thinks it needs, or seeks, or thinks is due me. This doesn’t mean that I could care less whether the audience is blessed or not. My desire is always that they would be blessed and fed through a song just as I have been. But my satisfaction in my artistic labor is not dependant upon their affirmation, but rather on God’s affirmation when my soul hears (or does not hear) from Him, “well done good and faithful servant…enter into the joy of your master” (Matt. 25:21).

THE SATISFACTION KNOWN IN GIVING

This positioning of my heart puts me in the mind of giving and experiencing the joys of giving music to the listener. “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). There is a pleasure in the sharing of what I have found to be pleasurable. It is another and different pleasure if they received the song as a blessing. But that is a bonus pleasure to me – it does not diminish the pleasure that I took in enjoying and sharing or giving the song. It is desirable to me that they be blessed, but I am not dependant upon their affirmation for my joy in giving to be known.

My joy is dependant on being found faithful in the role of expressing and giving, and my desire is that they know the joys that I have known. “…That which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ. And we are writing these things so that our joy may be complete” (1 John 1:4 ESV). By desirable I mean this: I hope and work to see that they experience the beauty that I was enjoying, and when it registers as beautiful to their soul, I am happy for them that they taste it and share in it with me (which is totally different than me being happy for me or proud of me that they tasted it; or even more prideful, proud that they tasted me). And by dependant I mean this: I had so much pleasure in giving the music that I find my necessary joy (the joy that I must know to sleep well at night) to be satisfied through faithfully giving, rather than being held at bay as I await an affirming response. Our joy must be dependant on God alone if we are ever going to know what it is to be completely satisfied.

If my sights for satisfaction are set on men’s favorable response, I will be forever catering to their whims, burdening my thoughts as I wonder, “what are they thinking now?” And by the time I figure out what they were thinking, they will have changed whims. It is not a way to live. It is not even a path that leads to satisfaction if I could keep up with the whims of man because that path ends at man and not at God. Only in and with God can we find a complete satisfaction as we engage in the arts.

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excerpt from The Affections of the Heart in Art - a wrestling for the full pleasures in art Jason Harms